Our Journey Through Infertility

When we got married over 9 years ago in 2006, we imagined, like most couples, that we'd be able to start our family as soon as we were ready. According to our plans, we would graduate in the summer of 2008 and welcome our first child in the Fall.

Well, 2008 came and went without a child. Most of 2009 did as well before we went to see a fertility specialist. After several tests, we were diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility". That means they couldn't find anything wrong with either of us. We tried 2 failed months of medication treatments with the specialist in the beginning of 2010. It didn't feel right to continue the medications, and we started preparing for adoption.

It took 6 months for us to get everything in order. In February of 2011, we were finally certified and on the waiting list! We were selected by a birthmother in May, and our little boy was born in September. Eli's whole adoption process was an incredible experience! We were able to be at the hospital when he was born and brought him home from there. We still have a very open relationship with his birthmother Veronica and her family. We are so grateful that he will always have those channels open as he grows older. He will never have to wonder if he was wanted or loved, or why she "gave him up." There will never be any doubt that Veronica did what she felt was best for her child. She couldn't imagine him growing up without a mother and father, in a home that would provide for his needs and teach him about Jesus Christ. We are grateful every day for the selfless sacrifice she made for him and for us. She was every bit an answer to our prayers as we were to hers.

When Eli turned 1 in September 2012, we decided to go back on the list for another adoption. We got all of the paperwork we needed to update and started working on it. For some reason, we felt that we shouldn't pursue another adoption at the time.

We thought we received the answer to our prayers for another child when I found out I was pregnant in January 2013. We could not have been more excited! But it was not meant to be. After seeing the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks, I miscarried the following week. We were saddened by this, but also felt hope that we would have an easier time now adding to our family.

Fast forward to Summer 2014. Eli was now pushing 3 and still an only child. We again started adoption paperwork, only to feel like we weren't supposed to pursue it, again. It was a spiritually confusing time for us. We felt like we were supposed to bring more children into our family, but nothing felt right. There were a lot of prayers and tears on my part, and still no answers.

In January 2015, we decided to try fertility treatments again. All failures. Emotionally and physically I was done. Nearly 90 failed months of trying to get pregnant had taken a heavy toll on me. It felt like it was consuming me. There wasn't an hour that it didn't cross my mind, and it was affecting my happiness as a wife and mother. I felt like I had been able to handle 7 years of infertility pretty well, but everyone has breaking points, and I had reached mine. I spent many nights on my knees, pleading for peace and guidance. The Lord delivered peace in abundance, not for the first time. He continued to withhold guidance however.

With only one option left to try, we started searching out information on In Vitro Fertilization, hoping that if God could see us trying everything we could to grow our family, He would open a door for us.
After meeting with several clinics and doctors, we finally found an option that didn't feel "wrong", if not necessarily "right". I have found in my life that God rarely blesses me with strong feelings of "Yes! This is exactly what you are supposed to do!" Most of the time it is just a feeling of "This is your choice, but it's seems like a good one" :).

So where are we now, going into our 8th year of infertility and one glorious adoption later? We are going to continue our plan of beginning IVF in January, unless the Lord guides us in another direction before then. We feel like we've done everything we can on our own while waiting for God's plan to be made clear. Who knows if it will be successful. We certainly hope so. But if not, I will have peace in knowing my Heavenly Father is aware of me and my righteous desires. And while it may be extremely difficult at times, I will trust in His perfect plan for me and my family, knowing He will not leave me comfortless and without Joy!